Unemployed

Since last week, I have been officially unemployed. In the spring of this year, I decided that I no longer needed a house, and on the first weekend I started wandering around, freedom whispered to me the next wanton thing: I don't need that job either. That job was a half-time contract in higher education, well-paid, easy work, lots of holidays. So many advantages, and also an obstacle in my research into freedom. The research, that's what it's all about for me. I want to explore what freedom is and, to that end, I am willing to do anything. I am willing to lose everything because I am convinced that I have nothing to lose, that 'losing everything' brings me to what my essence is. It is the one thing I am deeply interested in, which I believe this life is about: understanding what our essence is. Even if we don't get beyond understanding what our essence is not. I am not my house, not my job, not my story. I am not my body and not my thoughts. I am nothing of what is changeable. I am that which does not change and therefore must be formless. So how can I experience what I am while also being form? By examining all my assumptions, ideas and attachments. They form a layer of fog that hangs between me and the direct experience of my essence. 'That', I experience especially when I am meditating, 'that' which is now looking at me and looking at the world through my eyes, that is what my essence is. It feels like a vibration in which I cease to exist.