Trauma and Shaking
From head to heart, from doing to being, from contracted to free, from mechanical to creative. That's more or less the direction we take during a Nobody's Dance retreat, and preferably always on the path we go as human beings in this life. It's not about what we have to become. It's about what we already are and freeing it again.
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Free to be me' was the desire of every participant during the retreat in Italy. What stood in the way for each one of them was developmental trauma.
Most of us suffer from it. Chronic complaints such as digestive problems, feeling cold, back pain and headaches, a feeling of insecurity, unexplained fatigue, not finding the strength to work on what you actually want in this life ... it can all be reduced to the stress you stored up (as a child) because there was no space to express it, stress that prevented you from - free to be you - developing yourself.
For me, it helps a lot to recognise trauma as a physical condition. Mentally and emotionally, I experience a lot of freedom - I actually never feel unsafe and I really live in surrender and in the deep trust that life is carrying me. But my nervous system is still hypersensitive; I dream so excessively that I almost always wake up tired. There is still a lot of developmental trauma in me.
When I walked to my car in Turin yesterday morning, I found that a window had been smashed. All my stuff, including my laptop and good headphones had been taken. I found that I didn't care so much. I could imagine the poor slobs could use a fine Desley trolley, and a Bose speaker probably too. They had taken care of some redistribution of wealth. I found myself struggling more with the temperature, which was suddenly ten degrees lower than the day before, and with the fatigue in my body after spending the night in the city. I was more affected by my physical condition than by the circumstances.
When I drove back to the mountains where I literally held the earth and trees, I felt my body relax and recharge again. The autumn weather that had suddenly blown in and made me cramp up in the morning, no longer felt unfriendly but rather refreshing and soothing.
Making contact - becoming one - with nature is one way to allow our nervous system to heal. Conscious breathing is perhaps the most important one. Moving to music I also recommend, of course. During the last retreat, we also literally massaged our vagus nerve. Being touched is also beneficial for most people to allow the nervous system to heal (but not always within reach). And shaking. I am a big proponent of shaking!
We do it during retreats too - gentle shaking, sighing shaking, passionate and uninhibited shaking, ecstatic shaking ... Shaking until it is no longer you who shakes, but shaking just happens. I will make a video about it soon for people who like to shake at home. But you can also do it now. If you don't have time for extensive exercise or meditation, or don't know how to get started, or are just too restless, start shaking for 10 minutes every day. It discharges your nervous system and changes your life. Use the search term 'shaking' on Spotify and just let it happen through your body. Make sure that you don't try your best.
As I stood by my empty car with broken window, waiting for my friend Silvia whom I had called, a man approached me. In the morning he had seen that local residents had thrown the clothes left on the street into the rubbish container. We took them out together and put them in a rubbish bag he had fetched. Sara, with whom I was staying in the mountains, sent me to her garagist. He and his wife did everything to get a new window in my car as soon as possible.
Some people have to break into cars to take care of themselves. Most people have enough and find the space to take care of others too. Sara is very good at it and I am happy to indulge.
To tell about all the other wonderful places I visit, and all the other special people I meet, I might have to write a book.
In love,
Zoe
Next weekend there is a retreat in the Netherlands. There is still room for two people!
